


The journey back

by lmaayanl



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Eve is dead, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Feelings, I didn't want to write them so I killed them, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lex only appears in the first episode, Post Season 4, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, lex is dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-19 06:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19351081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmaayanl/pseuds/lmaayanl
Summary: Set after the end of season 4. Lena just found out Kara has been lying to her and she is devastated. Will mostly focus on Lena and Kara.It's a slow burn fic, so hang tight, and enjoy the ride. will have plenty of angst and feelings :)It's my first fic, so please be nice.Also - English is not my first language, so if you find any grammar errors please let me know  :)Enjoy and please leave comments and kudos!





	1. The end (or the beginning?)

Lena was pointing the gun at Lex. After all the damage he has done, she knew there was no other way. And she wanted to be the one who does it. Who ends him. He deserves it. And so does she.

 

Lex was a bit surprised when she pulled out gun, but still remained quite calm. “Come on, Lena, this is no time for theatrics.” He rolled his eyes. So sure of himself. “We both know no matter how much you despise me, you're not ruthless enough to pull that trigger…” 

 

He barely finished his sentence before Lena fired two shots at him. He fell back, with a surprised look on his face. He touched the bullet wound and found blood. He couldn’t believe his young sister was capable of this.

 

“The world will never be a safe place with you in it.” She said, determined she has done the right thing. 

 

“Oh, brava! You did it, Lena.”

“You killed me. You finally proved that I've been underestimating you all this time.”

 

Lena liked hearing him say that. Now she was sure she made the right choice. She didn’t want him to die right away from the shots. Otherwise she would have shot him in the heart or the head, she was a very good sniper after all. No, she wanted him to suffer. She wanted him to feel the pain. She wanted him to understand that he is going to die, that there is no way back from this. That he is done. What she didn’t plan was for him to start talking. But oh well, in all the movies the bad guys likes saying parting words. Maybe they just love hearing themselves speak, and want this sound to be the last they will hear.

 

“But, when I'm gone... 

who will be left to be proud of you?”

 

Lena looked at him with a stern look. She started to cry, because now, thanks to her brother, she killed again. Something she wished she wouldn’t have to do ever again. And also, she loved Lex. in a weird kind of way. He was her brother after all. And she had fond memories of him. He protected her from their abusive drunk and lame excuse of a father. He is also the reason she loves Chess so much, and that she always aspire to learn something new and excel at it.

 

“Not your friends. The joke’s on you. It’s always been on you.”

 

He opened the TV. She saw how much energy he devoted in it. On the screen a video started playing out. Of Kara. Her Kara catching bullets. Kara. it’s not possible. No. It can’t be. 

 

“Your friends have been lying to you from the start. 

You boyfriend, Jimmy. Alex, J’onn.  

That little alien rant, Brainy. 

Even your own mother”

No. All of them knew? All of them kept that secret from her? And also her brother knew? All this time. And none of them bothered telling her. No one. She was now crying so much, she couldn’t see well behind the screen of tears.

 

“They have mocked you, humiliated you, betrayed you. Every last one”

 

He was enjoying this. She could see it all over his face. Enjoying the pain she was feeling right now. If she could have made her hand move she would have shot him in the face. To erase the smirk of his face. But she couldn’t. She felt so small, and lost. She didn’t have the power to continue holding the gun upright. How could her friends lie to her like this. Why?

 

“Denial is a very powerful thing, isn’t it?

It’s been standing right in front of you all this time.  
And you choose not to see it!”

 

“Kara Denvers is... Supergirl”

 

Kara. Her best friend. Is Supergirl. And she didn’t know. How is it possible? How didn’t she notice it before. She is one of the smartest people in the world. And SHE couldn’t tell. Lena Luthor didn’t notice the fucking glasses!

 

“I’m about to die, but at least without ever being a fool. 

You’re left with no one… and nothing.”

 

Then he stopped breathing. He was finally dead. But Lena did not register that. She was trapped in her own head. 

_Kara Danvers is Supergirl_. Her Kara Danverse. Her best friend. The clumsy reporter. With the cute glasses. Kara Danverse who she loved Like a sister and maybe more. She lied to her. Kept half of herself hidden. And everyone knew. Everyone.

Except Lena.  
  
She collapsed on the floor sobbing. Feeling that her entire world just crashed. 

  


===========================================

 

“Yay! There she is” Kara called happily as Lena entered the apartment for the weekly game night. This time it was at J’onn’s new place. 

Since Lex had spilled the truth for her she was thinking she would never see those people again. Those lying so called friends of her's. But the longer she thought about it she decided she still loves them, and it would be hard to just rip them out of her life in an instance. So, she decided to come. 

 

The second she walked in she regretted her decision. 

How can she face all of these people and pretend she doesn’t know the truth. How can she look at them without thinking of all the times they lied to her.  
  
Kara was saying something about mixing up groups. Lena was not paying much attention, but then Kara faced her and told her they are still gonna be in the same team.

It took Lena a second, but eventually she nodded and smiled. Unfortunately, she didn’t feel at Kara’s or Supergirl’s team anymore.  
  
She only stayed for a little bit, faking a headache. No one suspected her, after all how can one blame her, with the chaotic week she had.

 

She walked outside of the apartment and started crying. How could she have been such a fool. All her life she was the smartest person in the room. How can they play her like that and lie to her like that. How did she not figure it out? She suddenly realized she had another feeling bubbling beneath the surface, beside her sense of betrayal. 

She felt ashamed. 

Ashamed she trusted those people. 

Letting her walls down and got tricked, laughed at. Last week it was Eve, and now it’s Kara and all of her friends. ALL of her friends. She slammed her head in the elevator wall in her building. She was so angry. So sad. But mostly, so alone. It was better when she didn’t let anyone in. When she was alone by choice, by design. But now she was alone because she let people in.

 

As she walked to her apartment she vowed to never let down her guard. Never. Because she doesn’t want to feel that way ever again. It will break her.

 

===============================

 

**The next day:**

 

_Bzzzzz bzzzzz, bzzzz_

 

her phone was vibrating, letting her know that Kara is calling her. Again. 

She rejects the call. Like she did to the other four calls before it.

 

She is not in the mood to see the cheerful blonde and pretend she doesn’t know her secret.

She wanted to resume her work - the only thing that could take her mind off this feeling. 

 

Feeling of a dagger splitting her heart in two. 

The feeling she has no one she can trust. 

The feeling no one cares about her, not enough to tell her a secret that everyone else already knew. 

 

She remembered all the times Kara suddenly disappeared and Supergirl showed up to save the day. She was a fool, her brother was not wrong. 

So many times She told Kara - “you just missed Supergirl”. 

All the times Kara pretended she was afraid and wanted to go hide, only to come back and face the danger as Supergirl. Well, now she knows she pretended. 

In all of those times Lena was worried sick something would happen to her friend. 

When in reality her friend was probably laughing about the situation later with Alex and James. They would all get together to laugh at Lena Luthor, how foolish she was. 

 

She trusted her deepest secrets in Kara, the things she felt most ashamed of. She felt sick to her bones whenever she kept a secret from her best friend. And if she did end up keeping secrets, she couldn’t keep them for long, in the end, she would always tell Kara. 

But Kara did not treat her the same way. Kara was lying to her constantly. All the time.

From the beginning. Throughout their entire friendship. 

Friendship that probably meant nothing to the girl of steel.. 

 

She felt the tears crawling their way to her eyes. This feeling of her throat suffocating. She must get back to work. It’s the only way she can cope with everything she learnt yesterday. The only way she can cope with the fact that her life was based on a lie.  

 

_Bzzzzz bzzzzz, bzzzz_

 

This time it was James calling. Her so-called boyfriend. The one she worked so hard to save. And when, for a second, she thought she was too late, that he is going to die, she wanted so much to change places with him. He has done nothing but good. And she? She is a Luthor, no matter how much she’ll do, she will always remain a Luthor. 

  
Such a fool! He was lying to her too. All this time. When he told her he was Guardian, and she told him she learned how to make green Kryptonite, she thought they were done with secrets. That there were no secrets between them anymore. ‘No more secrets’, yeah, right. Only the biggest secret possible. 

 

She rejected his call as well.

  



	2. The super charger

It’s been two weeks since Kara saw Lena and she was getting worried. She knew Lena was working on some new secret project, but still, she figured Lena would have some time for occasional lunch breaks. When she talked with James about it he said he also haven’t seen Lena at all during those two weeks. He tried calling and dropping by but was always met with her assistant saying Lena was not at the office, that she had just left, or was at a meeting. He eventually stopped trying and figured Lena would contact him when she has time. It’s not like it’s the first time this was happening, the same thing happened when she was working on splitting Reign from Sam.

 

For Kara it wasn’t that easy to just stop trying and wait for Lena to have time for her. She missed her best friend, missed having lunch with her and mostly just talking with her. Besides she wanted to tell her about Supergirl and didn’t want to wait any longer.

 

So, the blond decided she must get a hold of the Luthor, at any way she can. Which is why she was now standing in the middle of Lena’s office as Supergirl and using her X-Ray vision to make sure she is alone in the building. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she was starting to feel something had happened to her friend, and she didn’t want to be too late in helping if she needed help.

 

She went through all the papers on Lena’s desk, deciding she would only look at the papers who were visible to all (well, all that were in Lena’s office, but still), and not look inside the drawers. It was weird, all of the papers were dated from ten days ago. Kara looked at her phone, to make sure she got today’s date right. She did. It’s been two weeks since Lex died. And two weeks since she last saw Lena. And based on the papers in her office it seems like there was no new project at work, at least not in the past ten days. 

 

Something was off, she could feel it. She decided to call Lena again, from within the office, she speed dialed her number (she remembered it, even though with the smartphones no one needs to really remember numbers anymore). Few seconds passed and she heard the other woman’s phone ringtone. It was in one of her drawers. So Lena left her phone here? It’s not possible, she was attached to this device.

 

One time when Lena and Kara were having lunch someone called Lena about a business deal, she said she would get back to him after lunch. But right after she hung up the phone she started writing a bunch of emails one after the other about the same business deal. Saying to Kara it would only take a second and she just remembered something she must tell L-Corp board about. It took almost half an hour. Sometimes Kara wished Lena could also type at super-speed, that way she would have more time to meet and talk with her, since she could finish writing all the mails and texts much faster.  


But who was she kidding? If Lena could type at super speed she would spend the same amount of time typing. It’s just she would have send much more emails and texts. Would write so many more scientific articles and conduct much more experiments. Supergirl suddenly realized she was still standing in the middle of the CEO's office. She took the phone with her and flew out to Alex’s apartment. 

 

Her sister will know what to do. 

 

============================================

 

Kelly was at Alex’s, so Kara changed her outfit, so it would fit Kara and not Supergirl. Before she knocked she listened in to make sure she is not interrupting something. It seemed they were just watching a movie. Kara knew Alex didn’t like when she used her super hearing to spy on her, but, come on, this was for a good cause. Alex would agree, after the one time Kara flew in without noticing and interrupting a very PG-13 moment between Alex and Meggie. 

 

Alex opened the door to let her in. “Hi, what are you doing here?” Alex asked as she closed the door. “Hi” Kara said and waved also to Kelly, who was sitting on the sofa. “I need your help with something. I think Lena is missing and I don’t know what to do. I found this phone and..” Kara started saying so fast. “Wait, wait. Slow down.” Alex said, pointing Kara to the sofa with a concerned look on her face. “Start from the beginning and please go slower” she said while pointing with her eyes towards Kelly’s puzzled face.

 

“Ok, yeah, sorry. From the beginning. So, I last saw Lena two weeks ago at game night. Ever since I tried contacting her but got nothing. The people at L-Corp keep insisting she is working on some new secret project, but I flew by her office today.” Kara nervously understood her mistake, and added “I mean, I stopped by her office and got in using ummm, the employee magnetic card she gave me. It’s really nice of her to give me this key, so I can go in her office anytime I want”.

 

Kelly seemed to suspect nothing, so she was off the hook for her slip up. “Anyway, when I got there I poked around a bit, and found her phone” She said while taking the phone out of her pocket. “I knew the password so it was easy unlocking the phone and look a bit”

 

The CEO didn’t really give her the password, it was a white lie. But Kara told herself it was OK as there are more urgent matters at hand. It’s not like they need to know she listened in one time and heard the sound the numbers made when Lena pressed the code. Lena’s fingers were covered in food, so she couldn’t use her finger print. They had just finished baking a cake for Sam’s birthday. Well, a better description would be - Kara was making the cake and Lena kept spilling stuff and ranting about it. So yeah, Lena giving her the code was a white lie.

 

The blond snapped out of the nice memory with Lena and continues “I think she might be in trouble, and I think people at L-Corp are not telling us the truth. There is no way Lena would go anywhere without her phone”. She was worried and Alex could tell from looking at her.

 

Alex took the phone from her and checked it “It seems like it was not used in the ten days. She has a bunch of unread messages and missed calls. I don’t understand how her phone could last ten days without charging. Maybe she did use her phone during that time but didn’t respond to any text or call?” Kara thought about it for a second and determinedly said “No”. She knew Lena, no way she could disconnect like this. And then she remembered the super charged battery Lena invented a few months ago. She used the word super when advertising it, with the house of EL symbol. With supergirl’s permission of course  - “She must installed her super charged battery in her phone, so it will last even two weeks without charging it”.

 

“Alex, I need you to find everything you can from her phone and use the DEO resources to try and track her”. Alex stopped her - “Kara, you know I can’t do that. Lena is a citizen of this country, I can’t just spy on her without a relevant cause. But I do have access to some other DEO resources.” she trailed off and went over to her phone, picking it up and dialing. “Brainy, Hi, It’s Alex, Yeah I know you know it’s me cause you have predicted it, yeah, I know it’s not magic but just Math. I need you to come and meet me, Kara and Kelly at my apartment. We need your help. Thanks, Bye” She hung up before he could tell her, very loudly, that he will be discreet about it.

 

“Brainy will get here in 15 minutes and will help us”. Alex looked at Kara who was frustrated she can’t just punch some people and find Lena’s location. She has to be patient. 

 

“Kara, look at me” Alex said and waited for the girl of steel to look at her. “We are going to find her, don’t worry”. Alex embraced her and rubbed circles at her back to sooth her. She knew Lena was important to Kara, she just didn’t know how important.

 

============================================

 

**Ten days ago in Lena’s office:**

 

Lena excelled in her “little boxes” method. Whenever she felt hurt (and boy, that happened a lot), she just shoved her emotions to those boxes and cleared them out of her way. She had so many little boxes of unhandled feelings that sometimes she felt like a bomb waiting to explode. But it got her through most of the difficult situations in her life. So, she stuck with that method, which applies perfectly to this case as well.

 

She just pushed her feelings to a box, stored it deep down in her mind and tried to forget about it. She was working on this amazing project that could help so many people. She couldn’t let something insignificant as feelings to get in her way. She was working alone, because she knew best and she didn’t need anyone. Or at least that was the excuse she was telling herself. 

 

But, over the past few years, as she got to know all of her “friends”, she learned she missed other people’s company. While she was working and figured something amazing up, she really wanted to call Brainy and let him know. Or, when she had some moral dilemma, she wanted to share it with her best friend. Or when she couldn’t solve something, couldn’t get the doses right, she wanted to call Alex and ask for her opinion.   


But she couldn’t. Not after learning they all lied to her for so long. Not after she felt they were no longer her friends. 

 

She picked up the phone several times during that day. She wanted to call them. But she stopped herself in the last second. In the end, she ended up putting her phone in the drawer, in an effort to keep it out of her mind. And it’s not like she had anyone to call now, after everything.


End file.
